Robin is Miley. Cyrus is Thicke. Why the Double Standard?

After the VMAs, twerking hit a fever pitch in White America. Let me warn you, this one’s gonna get NSFW and very soon. Lock in.

Fuck twerking. We’re not talking about that. WELCOME TO 2000. I dont wanna to relive it but I certainly don’t mind introducing you to my friends the Ying Yang Twins, Lil Jon & Too $hort for further reference.

NOW EVERYONE SHUT UP ABOUT IT.

I am here because the careers of Robin Thicke and Miley follow the same behavior patterns yet have pretty unfair outcomes (for ya girl Miley, that is).

I’m not a fan of Miley at all. Although, I thought “See You Again” was a pretty dope karaoke jawn back in 2007. I’ll admit. I got drunk and sang every word at the shady Upper Deck bar while the Disney Empire laughed and laughed at their expanding demo.

Robin Thicke, however, I’ve liked since his first single. Yall remember? When he was being a weirdo on a bike and Russell Simmons was for some reason in debt to Alan Thicke and decided to take his son onto his label. It was all very strange. Not to mention he looked like a llama. Real talk.

Miley started a little differently. Rapid success as a Disney princess from the get go. Here’s a wayback jam for you. Wholesome, nonthreatening.

That was both of their deals. If you dont believe me, look at the sweater ya boy Robin (HIS DAD WAS ON GROWING PAINS WE CANNOT SAY THAT ENOUGH) is wearing in his video.

They both grew slightly maturer as the years wore on, but still artisticly pretty much on the same track popwise except that Robin wasn’t recovering from PTSD after growing out of Mousewitz. Oh, is that too offensive? Fine then. We’ll call it Duckau. Either way, they both released “sultry” but “fun” and never obscene (really) R&B pop.

See Exhibit A and Exhibit B. I didn’t post the corresponding videos because the songs are what’s important. We must of course make the noted exception that dudes are always allowed to have bouncing ass and boobs and bikini women in their videos and they are STILL ARTISTS.

Contributing to the sexual nature of all media is a rite of passage for men. The mandate handed down to women is that we must live in a perpetual cycle of exuding mixed signals (hello Taylor Swift with your wholesome image, but serial dating) like Luda once preached and Beyonce proliferates very ignorately every chance she gets (Cater To You vs Survivor, anyone?),

I dont know why I’m even yelling about that because no one is debating. Sigh.

Now, here we are in 2013 and people say to me how Robin is blowing up and Miley is breaking down.

Uhscuse me?

Let’s compare destructive behaviors.

Miley Cyrus, a 20 year old American

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pop star with a famous father leaves the bubblegum behind, gets a haircut and goes for a sexier style. Including dancing lewdly and sexually with the opposite sex and referring to drugs in her songs.

Robin Thicke, married Canadian pop star father of one who also has a famous father leaves the corny behind (yep), gets a haircut (yep) and goes for a sexier style (yep). Including dancing lewdly and sexually with the opposite sex and referring to drugs in his songs (got it).

Hmm. They even seem to film similar nonsense videos objectifying themselves and others that feature nudity, partying, balloons, water, stuffed animals (the list goes weirdly on….)

http://videoplayer.vevo.com/embed/Embedded?videoId=USUV71300526&playlist=false&autoplay=0&playerId=62FF0A5C-0D9E-4AC1-AF04-1D9E97EE3961%20&playerType=embedded&env=0&cultureName=en-US&cultureIsRTL=False

http://videoplayer.vevo.com/embed/Embedded?videoId=USRV81300234&playlist=false&autoplay=0&playerId=62FF0A5C-0D9E-4AC1-AF04-1D9E97EE3961%20&playerType=embedded&env=0&cultureName=en-US&cultureIsRTL=False

 

I just don’t see it. She’s a crackhead but he’s a playboy?

He’s the one with the family. I’m pretty sure Paula Patton, beautiful & talented & age appropriate film star in her own right that he’s dated since age 16, is NONE to happy with him grabbing at success this way. Not to mention the family of Marvin Gaye, who want their scratch thanks to his new single’s success. OH BUT WHY YOU ASK? Because Pharrell just sped up one of the most loved soul samples in history, gave it to Robin and put naked girls in the video. All sounds very responsible to me. Pharrell is also newly married. T.I. (I love you boo but I gotta do it) is also in the video cavorting around with naked models and he is a married father of 5.

Not to mention rumors of infedility have followed Robin around for years and this weekend he was conveniently caught with his hand UP some girl’s butt cheek 😦 And fans of Thicke’s wife Paula tweeted the gruesome evidence to her with captions like “LOOK IN THE MIRROR GIRL”. That is unacceptable. Not the fans warning her. His actions.

I know, I’m sorry I had to type that. I was gonna eat this cookie but now I just need Purel.

Miley is hurting who exactly? Sounds like her college phase to me. Yawn.

Now here are a bunch of pictures where they do or wear the same thing. Enjoy.

I’ve grown tired of this.

If I catch any of you making dinner conversation out of this (not the article, this lame twerking zeitgeist), I will build a gulag to banish you in myself. I’m very driven.

 

 

 

 

 

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